|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| I have decided to post once more -- not for any of you, but because of
a simple conversation I had just previously had with my dipshit
brother. It went a little like this (The dialogue is copied here
verbatim):
Mark says:
Bitch I'll school you.
Kevin says:
then do it! Shit
That's right. It's on. But out of the realm of my brother
and I, you might not quite understand yet (as if you couldn't) what
we're arguing about. For this description I will need the use of
some visual aids.
My arguement:
AKA: "The Russian" Pretty much enough said by this photo,
but if you can't tell, this man has biceps twice the size of a normal
wooly mammoth. Don't let his clothes fool you -- this man is a
true hardass for anyone who has ever seen the Punisher. Again, enough said so let's
move on from how cool my guy is and check out my brother's arguement.
Kevin's arguement:
AKA: "The Punisher" Okay, now look at this guy and tell me that you're scared for your
life. That's right, you can't. Why? Because the guy
looks like he just wet himself. Note the hysterical look on his
face, the lowered head like he doesn't want to look you in the eye, the
"school boy-bitch" jacket, or maybe just the wet pants. As much
of a wuss as he looks, he does do some pretty cool things later in the
movie, but still, who would win in a cage fight?
I believe that it would pretty much go like this:
+
+
=
I believe the outcome of this fight would take all of about five
minutes. Three of which would be spent watching the Punisher run
around the cage like a wuss as the Russian smokes a Cuban and then
commences in whooping ass. Seriously, how can you even debate
that this could even be a fight? But for some reason people seem
to think that the Punisher could somehow pull a victory out of my
no-holds barred death match.
Ask yourself if you can see any reason why the Punisher could be
victorious in a cage fight against the Russian. There is only one
prime example why the Punisher might win: because he wins in the
movie.
Now, in the movie the Punisher wins for two reasons. 1) He's the
protagonist and must win to keep the movie going (although I think a
much better movie would be after the Russian pisses on the Punisher's
dead body he goes and continues on a series of ass kickings, but
that's me) and 2) He gets lucky.
For those of you who haven't seen the movie, here's how it breaks
down: The Russian gets pissed at the Punisher for being a giant
sissy so he decides that he's going to straight up beat some sense into
his punk ass. The Punisher, then realizing how screwed he is,
booby traps his house in hopes that the Russian will back off (much
like he would in this situation), but of course not, the Russian is too
big of a man for simple things like grenades and switch blades to keep
him off the war path. After that doesn't work, the Russian makes
it into his home, and starts doing what he does best: whoopin' ass.
After a repeated beating and all traps broken, the Punisher tries to
seek redemption -- but to no avail. He is eventually beaten
THROUGH a wall into a neighboring apartment where a baby shower was
getting ready to be held for him (as he was obviously pregnant as this
is the only way to explain why he got so moody when the mob killed his
entire extended family). The Punisher now notices a pot of
boiling water, (probably big enough for a couple gallons) and decides
to throw the scalding hot water all over the Russian's face. This
instantly burns his face so bad he can't see or breathe, but he doesn't
need to breathe, he keeps going! But the Punisher, now pissed
that his shower was ruined, pushes him down a few flights of stairs and
walks off to go change his pants.
After reading all of that, how can you honestly agree that there is
any
possible way that the Punisher could beat the Russian in a cage
match? You can't. Note that there are no pots of boiling
water, hunting bows, sniper rifles, grenades (or other explosives),
firearms, knives/blades, or any other type of weapon in a cage
match. The result it pretty much cut and dry.
| | |
| New England Patriots = Superbowl XXXIX (39) Champions? Fuck that noise.
Yeah, Eagles lost. I know. Do I want you to tell me? No.
I never want to hear the following words ever again:
1) DyNASTY
2) Tom Brady
3) New
5) England
6) Four (4) or Twenty-Four (24)
7) Patriot(s)
8) Suck
9) Donovan
10) Interception
11) Football
12) Field Goal
13) February 06, 2005
14) Turnover
15) Onside Kick
16) Boston
17) Team
18) Three points
19) Lost/Lose/Loser
New England Patriots = Superbowl XXXIX (39) Champions? Fuck that noise. | | |
| (Note: Picture has been deleted because of some problems when accessing my site)
I saw this on someone else's site, and thought it was about
awesome. Enjoy it. And if you don't agree that Bush is the
worst president ...well, ever, then I suggest you go to www.xanga.com/zombiecatlovesyou and read his post about all the things GW has done for the country.
Edit: And for the record, I didn't put "Satire!" on there, and it
wasn't on there when I found the picture. But that's some funny
stuff. No, really, whoever did that, you're a comedian. | | |
| Newsflash: Dumbasses need to express themselves.
Sadly, the Status Quo does nothing about this problem, that's why I propose that there needs to be action in the Government today. My kind of action.
LD classes? Gone. Who needs 'em? I mean really, what are they going to grow up and be? Exactly. Then they're only going to reproduce, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that's something we don't want.
A solution, you might ask? I saw a good way to handle people like this in the movie "Old Yeller" ...that's right, take them out back and put one in their skulls. It might be sad for awhile, but eventually you'll not only get over it, but be glad you did it.
Next, Restrict weblogs and personal websites from people who don't have an IQ above room temperature...or people who talk to their weblog as if it's a person. I've heard of personification, but that's ridiculous. Also, people who write up a post that only one or two people can understand (grammar or otherwise).
Solution: A simple test to see if you can pass, I'll be the judge. Problem solved.
Make it a law to where TV stations, Radio stations, and the like cannot use the "New age internet language," or promote illiteracy. Those are pretty much one and the same, but I just wanted to make sure that I stopped any loop holes.
Solution: Another Holocaust. I mean, instead of the Jews, we can have the "Illiterates" and I'll be Hitler. And instead of Concentration camps, we have Firing Squads. Problem solved.
I think that just about does it, but I might add more as I feel fit.
Oh, yeah, and a big Shut the Hell Up to Kevin Reed, for being the biggest douche bag I know. Way to go, now shove it. | | |
| ...I was in a knife fight with a Mexican, Rico, last night behind The Diner on 9th street...
Now that you're in, we'll go on to something cooler.
I've been thinking about how to make my Xanga site cooler to the X-TREME (not like it needs to be any cooler, but I thought it should be up to my kind of quality), and I finally thought about how to do it. Instead of giving out "props" to my friends or calling them "sluts" or "bitches" I'm going to give out my first ever "Shut the Hell Up" award. Now, it's easy to make the list, you just have to do something to deserve me or someone of equal awesomeness, so really, just me, to tell you sit down, and drink a nice, tall glass of Shut the Hell Up.
...And Rico just came FLYING out of nowhere with that hair of his going everywhere screaming at me in Spanish; the only thing I could think to say was "No hablo espanol!" but he just kept coming, and...
Now, there are some perks of getting my "Shut the Hell Up" award. For instance, as a winner, you get the prize of meeting an actual crowbar ... personally! But the fun doesn't stop there [AUDIANCE chimes "It doesn't!?"]. Of course it doesn't! You're also treated to a Grade "A" verbal beat down by Your's Truly. I'd almost want to win my own award just for that.
...Events just happened so fast that next thing I know I'm standing with a knife blade out, and Rico slumped over my right shoulder bleeding all over my new flannel shirt. I stabbed him once again for good measure and...
But, the real question is: Who deserves my "Shut the Hell Up" award? Funny you might ask. I have this mental list I keep of everyone and how they piss me off, but seeing as though I have too many I'm figuring, how can I make this more fun? Well...
...So I did what anybody else would do. That's right, I laid him down, and stabbed him in the face a few more times. I mean, I don't want him sputtering out my name right before he dies. I've come this far, I'm not getting screwed now, especially by some Mexican...
...I lied. It's too awesome as it is. But, really, on to the winner.
...Rico may have died that night, but little did I know that his whole family moved across the border with him. I'm talking the extended family. These people DEFINE "Extended." I'm now just waiting for that station wagon to pull up and see the car unload with about the population of California. Mexicans have their own type of justice...TOUGH JUSTICE, ESSAY!
After much conversing with my cabinet, we came to the sole winner.
So, here's to you. Get it? Of course not, now shut the hell up. | | |
|
